also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
