Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
