Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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