just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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