sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
