I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
