swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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