i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
