Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
