I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
