We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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