If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
