We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
