Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
