I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Hippo gnu deer
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
