I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
