I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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