I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
