you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
