Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
