i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
