we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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