I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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