he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
The best revenge is premature balding
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Randomize
