I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
