It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
