I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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