it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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