i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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