Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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