What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
