He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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