you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i want to swaddle you in tequila
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
