i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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