If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
