Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
