my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
