guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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