so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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