can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
