nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
