her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
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