i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
