i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
