My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
