I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
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