So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
