some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
