Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
