lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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