I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
