He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
