yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
