So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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