she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
