morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
