just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
